Within the last month, I've become aware of the cultural, political and religiously diverse crowd that I have visiting my blog. They say ignorance is bliss, and in this particular case "they" were right.
I've been suffering through "blog" fright.
To be honest, knowing that I have so many different kinds of people reading my words makes me insanely nervous. I mean, what if I upset or alienate someone I consider a friend? What if I write too much about Clare? What if someone thought that I was interesting and now they're like "whoa, she's single minded and stupid?" What if I don't write well enough or intelligently enough? What if I bring religion to the table and it makes me sound nutso to a friend of mine, who I don't really discuss religion with? What if my political views make someone feel excluded. The 'what if's' are unlimited and never ending. I kind of view it like email - the words are there, but they have no soul except through the perception of the reader, right??
So, that's been my head space for the last couple of weeks. It's been paralyzing and, honestly, it stinks to be worried about it at all. I enjoy blogging. I enjoy coming to my page to post a reminder to myself or write about something that upsets me or a funny story that I've just experienced. I love for Mason to tell me that he looks all of the time to see what's up (my husband is my top blog stalker - that cracks me up! I figure he hears me talk enough, how could he possibly want to read more of the stuff?)
So, today I announce that officially could care less what you all think!
(read with a soft word and a smirky smile on my face)
If you keep coming back, I must be mildly entertaining or at least providing a curious look into the largely uninteresting and unmotivated inner-workings of my mind. If you think I'm uninteresting and still keep coming back, well....(I leave the end of this sentence for you to fill in)
By working through this fear in this posting, I have come to view this diversity with such gratitude. I am proud that I have been granted access as a friend to so many wonderfully intelligent, fun, Christian, Buddhist, Atheist, intellectual, banal, spunky, alternative, straight-laced, left-winged, right-winged, conservative, liberal, active, and lazy people. How freakin' fantastic!
I now realize how lucky am to know no end to the boundaries of friendship, how lucky I am to have so many people that I refer to as friends, and how being afraid only stops me from enjoying the reality of my life (and those who are in it).