I ran my first 5 mile course today. It’s ironic isn’t it – I mean Cinco de Mayo? I was/am enormously proud and happy and grateful for this triumph.
When I felt like quitting, I just slowed down and thought about something else or tried to strike up a prayer conversation. Someone in far better shape bound past me late in the game. She was happy and cheerful and said something about the approaching rain. At the time, I was focused on not making the face that is creating the crevice in between my eyes, so I smile broadly at her while she passed me. As she sped away, I watched her in admiration. “I want to be like that,” I thought. For the last mile I pondered what “that” was, and it turns out to be someone who was capable and joyful, and capable of bringing joy by being capable and joyful (I was quite tired at this point please understand). This was my new standard of ability – not just the accomplishment, but the effect of the accomplishment.
I had this revelation about my faith and my running this morning that translated well into today’s personal achievement. I’ll see if I can clarify. I am totally obsessed with running now. I was never a runner before March of 2008. I had never run even a ¼ of a mile and the thought of running 5 miles seemed absolutely ridiculous. I mean, why would a normal person feel the need to run at all, much less 5 miles or more for that matter? But, I would hear people talking about it and they were so enthusiastic that it seemed they really enjoyed it and relished in the time and accomplishment. It was more than just running; it was an opportunity to grow as a person, to create friendships, to push yourself beyond your boundaries, to organize life in a way. I would listen and mock them all at the same time.
“Whatever…. you bunch of nutballs,” I would say to myself.
Now I’m the nutball running around telling everyone I speak to, “You’ve got to try this, it’s the best thing ever…seriously. I mean I’ve never felt so good. Here is what it’s done in my life…. I can’t tell you how great this is and it’s really easy and I used this program to get started and do you want the link? I would love to run with you as you get started. I promise this is good. Really, it’s not a trap to make you feel worse, it really is wonderful.” Guess what, I’m the one getting the “nutball” looks now and I know why because I’ve been there and I recognize the looks of intrusion and disbelief.
“Whatever…. you bunch of nutballs,” I would say to myself.
Now I’m the nutball running around telling everyone I speak to, “You’ve got to try this, it’s the best thing ever…seriously. I mean I’ve never felt so good. Here is what it’s done in my life…. I can’t tell you how great this is and it’s really easy and I used this program to get started and do you want the link? I would love to run with you as you get started. I promise this is good. Really, it’s not a trap to make you feel worse, it really is wonderful.” Guess what, I’m the one getting the “nutball” looks now and I know why because I’ve been there and I recognize the looks of intrusion and disbelief.
So, how does this parallel my faith you ask? The same thing is happening to me in my faith as is in my running. Up until a few years ago I wasn’t a practicing Christian. I had all but turned my back on my faith because of the image of what I thought the church embodied (just like I did with people who ran). I tell you what, it sure as heck didn’t look like fun to be like “church people” and everyone kind of sounded crazy and it made me uncomfortable. The truth is that I’m experiencing the same thing spiritually as I am with my running. I feel like I’m pushing out of this imaginary box of my own perceptions and into some kind of reality that has eluded me in the past. I’m forcing myself out of my comfort zone and waking up to a world of things I never knew I was capable of desiring (the enormous amount of love and patience and dedication and desire to help others beyond myself is bigger than anything I could have ever hoped to find when I started to go to church). I am again experiencing some very real things and telling people about it and getting the same “you’re a nutball” looks and I want to say (again), “No really, this is good. It’s not a trap. Seriously, the reality is far different than what it looks like.”
So, I will continue to run and tell people about my experiences. I will continue grow in my faith and tell people about my experiences. I will continue to get the crazy looks, but I will completely understand them because I’ve been on the giving end of those looks for so many years.
Happy Cinco de Mayo all – have a margarita or four for me! Oh, and watch Slumdog Millionaire - it’s awesome.