I'm melting, I'm melting

So, it turns out, being a "stay-at-home-after-work mom" is wonderful! Absolutely Wonderful! Since the last little breakdown I suffered when taking Clare out too late and to too many events, we've remained local. By local, I mean, we are at home...every...single....night. The only exceptions are for very short jaunts, usually on the weekends, and they're highly scripted with defined start and end times. We do not run random errands with our little pea pod, we do not go to the galleria, we do not do anything on the week nights except play at home...together...as a family. I thought this would be like the seventh realm of hell for me since I'm stuck at a desk all day every day and really like to get out and see the world, but it turns out that it's fun - super fun. We play pretend, discover the outside world around us, talk about her day and what we're doing, giggle, laugh, make things for daddy, cook in her kitchen, and she's finally named all of her dolls and stuffed animals. She even sleeps through the night better. I can't tell you what a sense of gratitude I have for this little period of awakening where we all realized it was time for a change and then clearly changed any offending behaviors.

It's not like we weren't doing these things before, it's just that it wasn't every night and on the scale that we committed to two weeks ago. There wasn't the comfort of a normal schedule before, but there is one now. Feelings of comfort and safety are manifesting themselves into happiness. Her happiness is obvious because her tantrums have all but disappeared. Her relationship with us is like night and day. She was even ready to go when it was time to leave Mason's parents house yesterday after she'd played with them all day (this is usually a HUGE ordeal where she doesn't want to leave and then she literally and figuratively spits at us for the next 24 to 48 hours...bet you can imagine how fun that was). This didn't happen last night! She was just ready to go?!?

Being a parent is the single most challenging thing in the world to me. Not because it's at all hard to love your child, but for me, I can't just be on auto-pilot and actually enjoy it like I was trying to do. I have to be involved, present, and interested in making changes that I sometimes push back against thinking I know what's best. I think I'm more amazed each day with how much Clare teaches me about how to live than vice-versa. Her way of living is so pure and so free from entanglement that's it's like magic when I inch back into that kind of simplicity.

I'm thinking blankets, mason jars, fireflies, and stories are a good plan for tonight? What about you?