No Mommy!

Nothing is as wonderful, full of joy and happiness, and as rewarding as being a parent. Nothing is as scary, full of frustration and more frustration, and as (worth noting again) frustrating as being a parent.

Yesterday I took Clare and our dog, Molly, outside to play in the late afternoon light. I was so excited. They were so excited. There were birds chirping and for a brief and wonderful moment all was right with the world. I looked out at my loving daughter and spry dog and thought, "isn't this heavenly". Then my moment was over. Clare was no longer content to play in the yard and Molly decided that it was time to take off. In tandem, they both took off for the street in opposite directions. In front of our house my wonderful neighbor, John, watched on with what appeared to be a mix of confusion and laughter. When it all became too much and I must have resembled something like that of a wobbling top spinning from one side of the street to the other alternating between "MOLLY NO!" and "CLARE NO!" and "No really ,John, I've got it all under control", he graciously helped me walk my deaf dog and kicking and screaming toddler back to my house from a few houses down the street. Once we were in the safety of the garage, I gently set my child down, picked up my self respect, started to thank John for his help and then immediately lost control of the situation again because of the fact that I put the kicking and screaming body that looked like Clare down. Sensing an opportunity to return to her new extreme sport of car dodging, she took off out of the garage, up the driveway and headed toward the street.

Guess what I was doing? "CLARE NO!" "CLARE STOP!" "I MEAN IT CLARE, STOP!". "MOMMY'S NOT KIDDING, I MEAN STOP!" All the while running in a full sprint to catch her before she ran into the road.

Any guesses as to what she did not do?

The baby Jesus and Mary and Joseph and the Shepherd and....

I'm sitting here with my hot tea looking at this screen and just thinking. I've been thinking about this past year a lot.

Some of the thoughts are weightier than others, such as, you can not make someone want to be your friend no matter how hard you try. I've decided I wasted a disproportionate amount of time doing just that this past year. I've always thought that to be rejected as a friend was to be, well, rejected. The best part is that I've played martyr to myself all in the name of my spiritual walk. I told myself that being a Christian meant I had to keep going back for more. I think after struggling with repeated rejection, what I've truly found through my spiritual walk this year is that it's ok to reach out in friendship, be rejected, still love that person for who they are and be genuinely happy to see that person when life brings you together, but...and this is a BIG but....there is absolutely no need to keep going back for more. Self inflicted emotional trauma doesn't give you any "gold stars".

So that was the one big thought I had. No really, that was it. I realize that there are still black holes in space waiting to consume our galaxy, that the economy is collapsing, and that psychics are predicting certain earth ending doom, but this was pretty much it for me.

Some of my thoughts have been much more fun, such as the fact that the people around town are really shooting me in the foot with their lingering Christmas decorations. Why?

Clare: "I want to see Santa Claus Mommy?"
Mommy: "Christmas is over Clare, we won't see him again for another year. Remember?"
Clare (as we're driving to school this morning): "Look Mommy, Santa Claus!"
Mommy (in my head): Great, they have their stupid Santa in their yard six days after Christmas is over
Mommy (out loud): "Yes baby, That's Santa's picture. Santa hasn't pick up their decorations yet"
Clare: "Frosty?"
Mommy: "Frosty will be back next Christmas"
Clare (as we drive past El Pablano): "Look Mommy, Frosty!"
Mommy (in my head): I did not realize that frosty wore a sombrero. The Mexican food frosty kind of looks a little cliche
Mommy (out loud): "Yep, that sure is Frosty."
Clare (with a huge smile, and in the correct key over over until we arrive at school): "Frosty the snowman..don't know the words so I'll mumble...and repeat...Frosty the snowman...
Mommy (in my head): She's way to smart for me. I'm going to have to give my explanations more thought next year.

In case that fourth line up there started you wondering about Santa picking up their decorations, Santa picked up our decorations/movies/stockings/etc the day after Christmas. He will only bring them back at the appropriate time next year, Thanksgiving night, after Clare is asleep. This was a preemptive effort to avoid the meltdown that was sure to come after the total and complete overdose of all things Christmas from the day after thanksgiving to Christmas day. "Rudolph the Reindeers" was cute up to the very last request, but I felt like I needed to preserve my sanity and limit my exposure to it beyond Christmas day. The only exception to the decorations was that being away from "the baby Jesus and gonkey" was more than she could take so I consented and now the nativity is part of her collection in her play room and her dolls that have tea. I think the baby Jesus and "gonkey" would be alright with this.

Batman

Saw the Dark Knight last night. Uh, it was amazing. I stayed up to watch the entire 2 and 1/2 hour long movie even though we put Clare to bed a little after 8. That's like saying, "I give it two thumbs up, oh, and throw in a couple of big toes too." I definitely geeked out on Mason and discovered part of the character development plot early. He's now secretly more in love with me than the day we married. Ah the heartfelt communication of love over comic book characters.

Watch it. It's great.

Same time, same place

Wow, it's hard to believe that I'm setting up my calendar for the end of the year already. It seems like just yesterday that we rang in the new year with everyone up in Mentone.

So we're gearing up for the full swing of the holidays, which includes plans for the 384 hours between now and the end of Christmas day. We've had a steady stream of events since the weekend before Thanksgiving and it's not letting up any time soon. More pour in with each phone call and email I receive. I figure by breaking it up into hours I can pack as much of my normal stuff into the days in addition to the extra time with friends and family and co-workers and people I don't know at Christmas parties that I may or may not really want to go to. So far, it's not working and I'm losing the battle. It seems no matter how you look at it, 16 days is just 16 days. However, I'm loving it all just the same. I've tried new things this year and I'm better prepared. I've been involved in a Holiday Bible study that probably can take some of the credit for that preparedness. Some can go to Dave Ramsey for shaming me into the realization that Christmas comes at the same time on the same day with the same expectations every year (...really? because sometimes it sneaks up on me and I wonder what in the heck just happened and was I supposed to be aware of this happening? Christmas Ninja style...)

Anyway, as many parents of young children can relate to, now that Clare is two and talking and mostly potty trained the holidays have a new tone. There is excitement. There is freedom (oh the blessed pull up, thank you Jesus, and I'm not being sarcastic). There are classic cartoons and Christmas movies. There are Christmas carols in the car. There are Christmas decorations to delight in. There are ho-ho-ho's to be said and jingle bells to be rung. Toys are secondary to all that is going on. Seeing Christmas through the eyes of a two year old is an awakening experience. IT'S SO AWESOME.

So here I am at the same time this year in the same place as last year marveling at the wonder of life and soaking up the Christmas holidays like never before and so full of gratitude and humility for the life we've been given. Who knows, maybe I'll even play the piano again this holiday season.

The Train Station

We have an unofficial recording studio on the second floor of our house right now. I say unofficial because it's in a house, but it functions as a pretty darn official studio. I'm kind of humbled at the whole thing. In fact, I walk in there occasionally and think to myself, "really?? This is my house and this is happening in my house??" Jesse Payne and the Passengers are completing what will be their first album together and it's being worked on in our house. Seriously cool. On the evenings and days when they're recording, I get to hear their songs and recordings as my background music to whatever I'm doing and I like it. Even better, they make a lot of coffee so my house smells fantastic on the long afternoons and evenings and nights through which they work. Some of the songs I like a lot. I try not to comment in any way on it though because it's really not my place. Sometimes I do wish I could be a complete dork though and gush a little - "Hey man, that's freaking awesome. You wrote that?? Holy Cow, the way you guys arranged that is perfect. I can hear this on the radio and being played in cars and people downloading it for their own personal life soundtrack!" Anyway, one of the songs I couldn't get out of my head for a week. They haven't played it since. I'm disappointed. I think this one is going to be "that song". Of course, that's just my opinion without having heard the whole thing.

It's an opportunity of a lifetime and it's really interesting to watch Clare process all of it. She's learning the guys in the band and expects to see them all together now and play with them while they're there. It's been fun to watch them open up and become more playful with her too. I wistfully wonder if she's not apart of something that will be bigger...simply that my little one is being exposed to musical greatness without having been aware. I wonder how this will shape her. How it will shape her relationship with the world and with music. She already loves to sing and is pretty good at playing the drums with purpose now and not just banging. She even tries to use the kick drum like her daddy, sadly her legs just don't quite reach...but she tries just the same. Will she love it like we do? Will we scare her away from it by exposing her to so much?

I find it beyond humorous that the guys are so worried about being intrusive because I've kind of always longed for the house that everyone could come and go as they please and feel right at home. Each person in the band is interesting and seems to be kind hearted. Mason goes without saying. Of course, I've known Nick for a long time and Nick's wife, Clare, is so special that I named my daughter after her (not just because I liked the name, but also her character since I will be able to tell my Clare all about her and why I felt I wanted to share her name). But, Jesse and Joel are new and great and I enjoy their company and adore their wives too. It's this really happy place for me.