My young child is a handful, and she knows it. I acquiesce to her superior willfulness and now it is time to change tactics, to learn from my mistakes, to build a better bridge. Being a parent to me isn’t so much about constant ooey, gooey love or never making a mistake…to me it’s about loving determination. I will never give up on morphing and shifting into the person she needs me to be to bring out the best in her. I will not continue to reach into the same bag of old failed tricks and expect it to work out differently. I succumb to the understanding that if it’s not working, move on…there is nothing to see here but the wreckage of failure.
I have always dreamed of having a very adaptable child (even before we had children). I wanted to be able to take her everywhere with us, do everything, expose her to everything, let her live a larger-than-life life. I talk of trips to foreign lands and imagine us three as this kind of team conquering life and the world. She’s having none of it. She needs and wants familiarity. She needs a set schedule. She needs the very thing that I dread the most, “the same”. We have so many meltdowns these days that it’s easy to see when, where and why they’re happening. She’s not home enough. We take her out too much. We don’t engage her passively enough. It’s go, go, go each and every day. We’re very busy people and we want her to fit into our very busy lives and she is saying, “I’ll pass” with every kick, scream, pinch, poke and word that comes out of her mouth. I came to understand last night, while manhandling her at a charity event that I had taken her to so that she could see her Daddy play, that 1) I should have left at least an hour and a half before I did; 2) and most importantly, she shouldn’t have been there in the first place. I took her because I wanted to go. That is honesty folks. She is not mentally ready to dragged around to all of these “cool” things and paraded in front of a million people who love her and want to dote on her. She’s not reached enough developmental milestones to understand that you go and have a good time and then you leave – this is what happens. She thinks every new moment should continue forever and I find her to be deeply resentful when the fun stops (thus the never ending tantrum/kicking/screaming/scratchfest that is my life now), and I end up deeply resentful that my best efforts blew up in my face. Up until last night, I obviously wasn’t developmentally ready either. I didn’t realize that no matter how much time I spend trying to give her “enough time” to enjoy herself somewhere (the park, a restaurant, swimming, swinging, watching daddy, etc), it cannot be enough right now. She doesn’t have and “enough” cup yet. I’ll have to try these in small increments and only on the weekends I’ve decided.
I’ve been blaming other people or activities or places for her behavior, but I think the responsibility lays squarely with the person who knows her best, me. She’s 2 ½. She’s not a terrible two, or a strong willed child, or something to be manipulated into doing what I want. She’s just a little girl and I’ve made life very exciting (by virtue of this, very confusing) for her and she doesn’t need so much excitement. She needs a mommy, who will sit down "right here" and play with her like she asks.
