What am I hear for?
Have you ever asked yourself this question and followed it through in your mind time and time again until you were exhausted by it and just quit asking it of yourself? Have you ever been so disgusted by your lack of ability to recognize any particular and useful strength that you can share with the world? Have you ever realized what you loved and wanted to do and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was what you were born to do, but been so afraid to do ti that you never did? Have you ever wondered just where to start?
ME TOO!!! See it's not just you.
I have asked myself all of the questions so often. I mean, I really ache over this more than I care to admit. Not because I want some kind of recognition, but I swear I think I have so much more to offer than this person that I am today, but I also feel like I'm holding back for some reason and I don't know from what or why.
Read this: http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/06/19/heroes.agoglia/index.html
I read this story and was just amazed that someone just did it. He says (in summary), I have the resources, the know how and the desire to help, so I do. What the??? He must be crazy right? I mean obviously he's crazy because no one sane would do this....right?
I firmly believe that everyone of us desires to find out what he/she can do for the greater good! They/I want to know how they can help and not just by sending a check...they want to really help! They want to put their talents and skills to use! They want to know that they did more than just read the sensationalized headlines and gasp at the injustices or sadness or destruction or devastation all around us! I know I am part of the "they", and I want to know that there is more to me than this person who recognizes a need, but just doesn't quite do anything about it because it might make me uncomfortable. Oh to be less hesitant.
I think this blog entry kind of sounds like a rant, but the truth is, it's kind of frenzied because it's something I'm frenzied about inside - and IT'S GETTING WORSE with every passing day. I don't have an agenda, a cause to promote, or souls to save. I don't intend to be blasphemous by saying that, but I'm not out selling my religion. I genuinely just want to help people in need without pretenses. However, I do feel obligated to admit, and I do so freely, that my faith has helped me to see beyond myself in a way that I was not able to do before I accepted Christ and his teachings as my way in this life. So I bring honor to God and my faith practice by knowing that without them working in my life I would not be this person and I still would not care like I do now.
I just don't know where/what/when/how...the lack of details that make this impossible to live with.
What next? Who knows.....
But, I do know this: my life is great, but my just enjoying myself is not good enough any more. Thank you Lord for the blessing of being able to enjoy myself. For someone with my past and the constantly changing nature of it, I recognize the blessing of that peace. But, the truth is I want to make a difference in more lives than just my own. I need to make a difference, there are people out there counting on us to make some kind of difference in some way that will positively impact them forever (no seriously, they're out there, they just don't know they're waiting on help from us, and we don't know who they are yet) .
Oh, and in case you're wondering, we adopted Molly (the dog below). She's amazing. Absolutely amazing. I'll take her picture and post them to our flickr account so all can see her magnificent glory