I cannot begin to tell anyone of the joy I feel for having my daughter in my life. The truth is, I totally think she knows this. I'm probably a bit of a pushover for it. I see that little twinkle in her eye whenever I'm around. I see her push a little further to see how far mommy's love goes and if my smile will fade to a frown. I see her trust me implicitly and push me away all in the same moment. She knows she's mine forever. I guess I know this because I'm this way with my mother. We're very different people, but kindred spirit always. I always remember my mother like I was two again. I always think of her when i pass a familiar scent or hear a certain sound. I always want to talk to her just so I can hear her voice. It's a gift that I've been given to be bookended by such love.
I had the joy of spending last week with Clare at the beach. Of course, Mason's mom and sister were there as well, but it was the two of us that my greatest gift...I was being given time to stop and just "be" with Clare. I completely immersed myself in her for that time together. Oh, there were other people around us, but it was just us. We were in love. We laughed and played and played and laughed and tickled and cried and screamed (well she screamed, I cringed), and swam, and ran and picked up shells and shared a pillow to sleep on and watched Pooh and danced and threw our heads back to look at the stars and explored the beach at night. Oh, it was an adventure. Truly an adventure. I wish I could go back right now (only this time take mason too). I'm thinking about it right now and it was heaven - absolutely heaven. I probably won't have time like that again and I know I certainly won't have it again with the person that she was seven days ago. She's already changed so much.
It's funny, the thing I think about most is that she would wake me up each morning playing with my hair. she would be twisting it around her little fingers, chirping her little girl language, and pulling a little too hard sometimes. I think she was enjoying being immersed in mommy too!