Utter Sadness

This is what I felt yesterday. Even while my body was fragile and I was in need of my own mother, I felt overwhelming sadness.


I couldn't hold my Clare, or hug her, or play with her, or do anything with her. I was sick, very sick, am still sick - but at least better now. And in my love for her, I couldn't tolerate the idea that she might get what I was suffering through - so I avoided her and refused her advances and begged her not to climb on me. I shunned her kisses and wouldn't share her crackers or cookies with her like I always do.