Am I your armpit God?

I have to let y’all in on a little secret regarding all of these wonderful dreams about ministry and helping children and wanting so desperately to put my faith into action…well…I keep running into brick walls. When I say running into brick walls, I mean slamming full force into something that stops me cold and I can't find a way around it. It’s not that I’m necessarily frustrated with God, but I’m frustrated with the process I guess. I’m missing the point of burdening a heart and spurring action only to continue to close door after door after door after door after door after door. Do you realize that I’m still at square? SQUARE ONE! It’s like some bad rerun of Groundhog Day and I’m Billy Murray’s trying to settle into the knowledge that I’m never (ever) going to move beyond square one until some nebulous stopping point that I have no control over and no idea of when (or if) it will materialize. (if you're counting, that is four different analogies that I've used in one paragraph for the same feeling: walls, doors, squares and a movie reference for good measure...I know, you're all jealous, it's a gift)

I’ve started to blame myself. Maybe I’m not listening. Maybe I’m not ready. Maybe I'm not praying the right words or for the right things. Maybe I'm not good enough. Maybe I’m not the kind of Christian who was ever meant to do anything much less with children. Maybe I was wrong to begin with and all of this was some elaborate need to be needed. You know, Mason said it best when he mentioned that someone has to be the armpit in the body of Christ. Maybe I'm the armpit, I guess someone has to be. Maybe I just don't like that I'm the arm pit. I just don't know. I get frustrated because another day passing without doing something is another child without a voice in a situation that they might need rescuing. It’s another day of waiting from him or her, too. But maybe armpits, maybe they don't do these kinds of things. Maybe they just connect the arm to the body and, like it or not, that's what they do. Lael "The Armpit". It's not really all that catchy.

Is my faith is big enough to support my failure to act in my past and the disappointment of feeling unable to act in my future? Last night I wondered if I was strong enough. This morning, armpit or not, I knew I wasn’t strong enough and reached out to the One I know who is.

As always, and in his infinite wisdom, he answered me the way he always does with his mysterious mercy at my child like tantrums and indignant attitude. He is God, after all. I don't have much right to make blind accusations and demand explanations (however, I do - A LOT). So...I opened my daily devotional and it dealt with this very thing and how God builds our faith through waiting (are you kidding with me?). That what may look like a “no” might be a “not yet”. He reminded me that Noah waited 120 years for God’s plan to be put into action. Abraham was promised fatherhood with his barren wife and had to wait until he was 99 to experience that promise. Moses…he waited around 40 years in a desert with a bunch of people complaining. The list goes on and on, but the one example that caught me off guard is that He even made his precious son wait for 30 years before it was time for him to act in accordance with His ultimate plan (30 years??? Oh my gosh, please don't make me wait so long. You didn't create me with much patience... you know this... so obviously I am oh so your fault God).

Why do we wait? It teaches us to trust in God. We learn that His timing is perfect.
One of the facts we have to learn is this: God's delay never destroys His purpose.
A delay is not a denial. Children must learn the difference between "no" and "not yet,"
and so must we. Many times we think God is saying, "No," but He is saying, "Not yet."

So, if you happen to be struggling with a ‘No’, then maybe it’s a ‘Not Yet’. Maybe today this will help you keep going when you’re ready to stop because “what’s the point of all of this, God doesn’t hear me anyway”. Maybe (just maybe) today will be your, ‘YES! Today is the Day! You've been heard, you get it, you see it, it’s finally here!’

If it isn’t, that’s ok. Tomorrow will find us all soon enough (armpits and all).