I cannot begin to tell anyone of the joy I feel for having my daughter in my life. The truth is, I totally think she knows this. I'm probably a bit of a pushover for it. I see that little twinkle in her eye whenever I'm around. I see her push a little further to see how far mommy's love goes and if my smile will fade to a frown. I see her trust me implicitly and push me away all in the same moment. She knows she's mine forever. I guess I know this because I'm this way with my mother. We're very different people, but kindred spirit always. I always remember my mother like I was two again. I always think of her when i pass a familiar scent or hear a certain sound. I always want to talk to her just so I can hear her voice. It's a gift that I've been given to be bookended by such love.
I had the joy of spending last week with Clare at the beach. Of course, Mason's mom and sister were there as well, but it was the two of us that my greatest gift...I was being given time to stop and just "be" with Clare. I completely immersed myself in her for that time together. Oh, there were other people around us, but it was just us. We were in love. We laughed and played and played and laughed and tickled and cried and screamed (well she screamed, I cringed), and swam, and ran and picked up shells and shared a pillow to sleep on and watched Pooh and danced and threw our heads back to look at the stars and explored the beach at night. Oh, it was an adventure. Truly an adventure. I wish I could go back right now (only this time take mason too). I'm thinking about it right now and it was heaven - absolutely heaven. I probably won't have time like that again and I know I certainly won't have it again with the person that she was seven days ago. She's already changed so much.
It's funny, the thing I think about most is that she would wake me up each morning playing with my hair. she would be twisting it around her little fingers, chirping her little girl language, and pulling a little too hard sometimes. I think she was enjoying being immersed in mommy too!
Oh my, I love my mother.
Email reponse to me from my mother about how divisive all of this has become. I'm so lucky...so, so lucky...to have her balance to turn to when trying to understand how to approach all of this election stuff. Note, my mother was a nurse for 23 years in some capacity whether on the floor, in the operating room, as a teacher of other nurses or as a hospital administrator for the Veterans Administration. She went back to school to get her Doctorate of Jurisprudence when I was in college and now practices law full time and has for ten years. She's worked my entire life and raised me to be extremely self sufficient and independent. She does more pro-bono work than probably any other person I know so I respect her and she respects me, but we are not on the same side of the fence on the issues in this election)
Momma's Response that we probably all need to remember:
I have personally found that people get very "adamant" about their beliefs at times, and when they care about someone, they may come across TOO strongly or even angry to try and "save" someone from being mislead by the circumstances.
Just remember that these politicians don't care who you are like your friends and family do. It is a job for the politician...they ALL want the same thing but view different ways to get there. Many if not ALL will lie and twist things to get in and NONE of them do what they promise. They are "used car salesmen" and sometimes they are sell you on a good deal and sometimes it turns into a "lemon" but that doesn't mean everything is going to be a good deal or everything is going to be a lemon.
You can not ever believe the media full face because they are ALL biased towards one side or another, some more so than others. Your friends and family don't treat you like that to get your friendship...we love each other because of who we are not what we want to sell you on. It's nice to have friends and family where you can express yourself without the fear of losing them. I will bet (using only my experience) that in 5-10 years everyone will look back and wonder why they felt that strongly and how silly it was to let it influence their relationships over something that they really did not have complete ownership.
I feel very strong about somethings but unless I have actually experienced it or I am experiencing it now it just is not worth the cost of a loved on or friend. I have opinions about all the issues but I have never had to live with having an abortion myself so ...no experience though I have assisted with them. Some I agreed wholeheartedly and others were an abomination; I have never had a mentally or physically deficient child ...so no experience but I have cared for them and they offer a lot in and of themselves; I have worked in the medical field and know what advances can be reached for and that there are many, many ways to get there, and some are better than others. Just because it seems faster does not make it better...it's just the lazy way to address something and make a quick buck.
I have never been a factory union worker but I have been laid off from work twice so I do have that experience; I have had problems getting good healthcare and insurance...so experienced there; I had have to deal with and been an active member of the education system as a student, as a mother, as an educator, as administration, and as researcher...I have strong opinions about it and know that the government is not going to EVER be able to fix it...it has to be fixed by the education system itself or it won't be fixed. Throwing money after bad is the lazyman's way to address the system and they need long-term permanent fixes.
I can always imagine what if but until or unless someone has been there they never really know what solution is best in that situation.
I know you feel strongly about things and so do others...I hope we can all get each other enough latitude to express ourselves and still not let it harm relationships.
I love you:)
Momma's Response that we probably all need to remember:
I have personally found that people get very "adamant" about their beliefs at times, and when they care about someone, they may come across TOO strongly or even angry to try and "save" someone from being mislead by the circumstances.
Just remember that these politicians don't care who you are like your friends and family do. It is a job for the politician...they ALL want the same thing but view different ways to get there. Many if not ALL will lie and twist things to get in and NONE of them do what they promise. They are "used car salesmen" and sometimes they are sell you on a good deal and sometimes it turns into a "lemon" but that doesn't mean everything is going to be a good deal or everything is going to be a lemon.
You can not ever believe the media full face because they are ALL biased towards one side or another, some more so than others. Your friends and family don't treat you like that to get your friendship...we love each other because of who we are not what we want to sell you on. It's nice to have friends and family where you can express yourself without the fear of losing them. I will bet (using only my experience) that in 5-10 years everyone will look back and wonder why they felt that strongly and how silly it was to let it influence their relationships over something that they really did not have complete ownership.
I feel very strong about somethings but unless I have actually experienced it or I am experiencing it now it just is not worth the cost of a loved on or friend. I have opinions about all the issues but I have never had to live with having an abortion myself so ...no experience though I have assisted with them. Some I agreed wholeheartedly and others were an abomination; I have never had a mentally or physically deficient child ...so no experience but I have cared for them and they offer a lot in and of themselves; I have worked in the medical field and know what advances can be reached for and that there are many, many ways to get there, and some are better than others. Just because it seems faster does not make it better...it's just the lazy way to address something and make a quick buck.
I have never been a factory union worker but I have been laid off from work twice so I do have that experience; I have had problems getting good healthcare and insurance...so experienced there; I had have to deal with and been an active member of the education system as a student, as a mother, as an educator, as administration, and as researcher...I have strong opinions about it and know that the government is not going to EVER be able to fix it...it has to be fixed by the education system itself or it won't be fixed. Throwing money after bad is the lazyman's way to address the system and they need long-term permanent fixes.
I can always imagine what if but until or unless someone has been there they never really know what solution is best in that situation.
I know you feel strongly about things and so do others...I hope we can all get each other enough latitude to express ourselves and still not let it harm relationships.
I love you:)
Stop using the name of my God in vain.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26649779/
http://blog.newsweek.com/blogs/stumper/archive/2008/09/10/ad-hawk-mccain-s-fact-free-fact-check.aspx
I am ashamed that this is happening. Ashamed.
You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not acquit anyone who misuses his name. Don't you dare run your entire republican platform on the Christian faith and then turn around and lie and cheat to win for whatever your reason. The end does not justify the means. This is exactly why our beloved country has a separation of church and state...because people cannot separate religion from their feelings and if think the majority of your country is Christians what better way to get them on your boat. Feed them a few leftovers and they'll let you do anything you wish.
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour.
How dare this happen. How dare you stand up and talk about your walk with God and then expose yourself as a liar to get ahead. How dare you scare people for your own benefit. A distortion of the truth, is a lie. A partial truth, is a lie. Tell the truth. I am tired of the lies and then you using my God's name to precede your lies! Lying is called an abomination in the bible more times than homosexuality. I think God is pretty serious about it. It's disgusting, absolutely disgusting.
People are drooling over this wolf in sheep's clothing because he invokes the name of God. Well my God tells me to take care of the poor, the widows, the children of the world without the means to survive, not to horde more of my money for me. My God tells me not to judge, lest I should be judged. My God tells me not to lie, but to look for the truth, which is all I've done in this election. My God tells me to love my brother/my neighbor/all of those that are unlovable. He does not tell me to kill in his name and he does not tell me to seek vengeance. He tells me to turn the other cheek when I have been wronged and to apply the principles of Godly love to every single situation. Above all he tells me to love Him with all of my heart, soul and mind. To love him like this, requires that I not continue in my walk of disbelief, but to align myself with Godly principles. How is deliberately misleading people aligning yourself with God? I realize that abortion is a big issue for the religious right, but isn't all of this other stuff important too? Is abortion the only thing that matters any more? It seems that way. It seems that the Church has been relegated to a few core issues. When did this happen?
As Christians aren't we supposed to test those things that say they are of God and not just accept whatever it is because it(he/she) invokes God's name. When did all of these other things quit mattering? When did abortion and gun control become our litmus test for how Godly someone is? I really do not understand. I'm not trying to be inflammatory, but as a faithful Christian, I just don't understand how everything else about a man and his character quit mattering. I'm not some funky "Church of the sorceress of the trees" Christian. I'm a God fearing, Jesus loving, Holy Spirit walking, Bible reading, moment-to-moment praying Christian. Why do I feel like I'm alone in my thoughts on this. I feel like every other Christian I talk to cannot get past this abortion issue and I crumble inside when I hear this. How can we only care about this? When every Christian home has taken in a child that was not wanted, when every Christian home has fed the poor children of the world who have no parents, when every Christian home is devoted to the children that are alive and abused and treated poorly, then I will tackle abortion. But not a moment before then. Perhaps if we lived the way we are instructed, in love and with a merciful outlook extending Grace, more people would want to hear what we have to say and we could open a loving dialogue both sides that would be both productive and respectful. Why isn't this something we're working toward??
http://blog.newsweek.com/blogs/stumper/archive/2008/09/10/ad-hawk-mccain-s-fact-free-fact-check.aspx
I am ashamed that this is happening. Ashamed.
You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not acquit anyone who misuses his name. Don't you dare run your entire republican platform on the Christian faith and then turn around and lie and cheat to win for whatever your reason. The end does not justify the means. This is exactly why our beloved country has a separation of church and state...because people cannot separate religion from their feelings and if think the majority of your country is Christians what better way to get them on your boat. Feed them a few leftovers and they'll let you do anything you wish.
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour.
How dare this happen. How dare you stand up and talk about your walk with God and then expose yourself as a liar to get ahead. How dare you scare people for your own benefit. A distortion of the truth, is a lie. A partial truth, is a lie. Tell the truth. I am tired of the lies and then you using my God's name to precede your lies! Lying is called an abomination in the bible more times than homosexuality. I think God is pretty serious about it. It's disgusting, absolutely disgusting.
People are drooling over this wolf in sheep's clothing because he invokes the name of God. Well my God tells me to take care of the poor, the widows, the children of the world without the means to survive, not to horde more of my money for me. My God tells me not to judge, lest I should be judged. My God tells me not to lie, but to look for the truth, which is all I've done in this election. My God tells me to love my brother/my neighbor/all of those that are unlovable. He does not tell me to kill in his name and he does not tell me to seek vengeance. He tells me to turn the other cheek when I have been wronged and to apply the principles of Godly love to every single situation. Above all he tells me to love Him with all of my heart, soul and mind. To love him like this, requires that I not continue in my walk of disbelief, but to align myself with Godly principles. How is deliberately misleading people aligning yourself with God? I realize that abortion is a big issue for the religious right, but isn't all of this other stuff important too? Is abortion the only thing that matters any more? It seems that way. It seems that the Church has been relegated to a few core issues. When did this happen?
As Christians aren't we supposed to test those things that say they are of God and not just accept whatever it is because it(he/she) invokes God's name. When did all of these other things quit mattering? When did abortion and gun control become our litmus test for how Godly someone is? I really do not understand. I'm not trying to be inflammatory, but as a faithful Christian, I just don't understand how everything else about a man and his character quit mattering. I'm not some funky "Church of the sorceress of the trees" Christian. I'm a God fearing, Jesus loving, Holy Spirit walking, Bible reading, moment-to-moment praying Christian. Why do I feel like I'm alone in my thoughts on this. I feel like every other Christian I talk to cannot get past this abortion issue and I crumble inside when I hear this. How can we only care about this? When every Christian home has taken in a child that was not wanted, when every Christian home has fed the poor children of the world who have no parents, when every Christian home is devoted to the children that are alive and abused and treated poorly, then I will tackle abortion. But not a moment before then. Perhaps if we lived the way we are instructed, in love and with a merciful outlook extending Grace, more people would want to hear what we have to say and we could open a loving dialogue both sides that would be both productive and respectful. Why isn't this something we're working toward??
You want the truth?? You can't handle the truth...
Just kidding. Seriously though, just because I quote Jack Nicholson doesn't mean I'm not serious sometimes!
Email Responsibly: Please check your facts before sending out the latest forward about either candidate.
Lipstick on a Pig
In my opinion, if you boldly compare yourself to a dog and the only difference between you and that dog is lipstick, then you have lost the right to cry sexism at a veiled reference to a pig lobbed in your direction.
Actual meaning of the aphorism "Lipstick on a Pig":
A term used by many, generally in reference to someone who may be trying to make something look appealing or attractive when it quite clearly isn't.
If you don't want to be treated differently, then you can't cry foul whenever you've perceived an insult hurled at you related to your gender. You have to become impervious to your gender in fact. Not in your ownership of it, but in your defense of it. You have to own your gender and you have to own your responsibility to removing people's perceptions of it in their associations with you and only you. I can do nothing to force someone else to think well of other women. I can only change their opinion of me and then hope that this positively impacts their next association. If I forced every man I work with to respect me based on my being a woman, then I have done myself a disservice and gained nothing. If I aim to be respected among my peers (both women and men) through hard work and fair-mindedness, then I have been successful in removing sexist barriers.
If someone says something crummy about me and it's related to my gender, who cares? What if they said something crummy about me and it wasn't related to my gender? Would it bother me more or less? Just because they say something crummy about me at all, does that make them sexist or does it just mean that this person doesn't think well of me? Does every man have to like me because I'm a woman? If another woman says something crummy about me, does that then make her sexist as well? Where do we draw the line between sexism and the process of making a point? Is a hundred year old comparison off limits to this campaign because a woman is involved now? Is this what we want as women? People tip toeing around our gender for fear of being labeled sexist over something that isn't even remotely sexist.
Is this the definition of progress that we seek?
Burn Baby, Burn!
Went down to the Auburn game on Saturday and it was an absolutely beautiful day. Mason, Matthew and I got there earlier enough to walk around, but missed tiger walk by half an hour - blah. The first half of the game was amazing, second half...not so much. We look like we have potential right now, but it's unrealized potential. Of course, I don't know what it takes to play football so I won't go too much further than this.
The worst thing that happened all day is that I got blistered by the sun after sitting in the upper deck for four and a half hours (oh yes, it went on this long - I'm blaming the refs). I put on sun screen before we left the house, but stupidly forgot to put it on my back. (Yes, "Mrs. Likely Candidate for Melanoma" forgot her sunscreen folks). Wow, I'm currently still tormented by the pain two days later and wish only for a do-over on the moment where I said to Mason "I think I should buy some sun screen" and then promptly reduced the concern to a fleeting thought, which disappeared. So, as I stare at the streaks burned into my skin I am reminded to lather up my daughter before the damage is done, lather up myself next week at the beach, and keep getting screenings every six months to catch everything early. I'm sure my dermatologist will have much to wag her finger about at my next screening. I mean, I didn't even get burned like this when we went to the islands, while I was pregnant sitting in the middle of the ocean on a boat for ten days! my gosh, this is painful.
Sheesh.
The worst thing that happened all day is that I got blistered by the sun after sitting in the upper deck for four and a half hours (oh yes, it went on this long - I'm blaming the refs). I put on sun screen before we left the house, but stupidly forgot to put it on my back. (Yes, "Mrs. Likely Candidate for Melanoma" forgot her sunscreen folks). Wow, I'm currently still tormented by the pain two days later and wish only for a do-over on the moment where I said to Mason "I think I should buy some sun screen" and then promptly reduced the concern to a fleeting thought, which disappeared. So, as I stare at the streaks burned into my skin I am reminded to lather up my daughter before the damage is done, lather up myself next week at the beach, and keep getting screenings every six months to catch everything early. I'm sure my dermatologist will have much to wag her finger about at my next screening. I mean, I didn't even get burned like this when we went to the islands, while I was pregnant sitting in the middle of the ocean on a boat for ten days! my gosh, this is painful.
Sheesh.
To have a voice
I am amazed at how much time I've put into my political discussions this year, and as a result, I feel a true shift in my personal political maturity. In the past, I've been more of a political party "fan" I guess you could say. My basic process was to side with my team as if it was a football game and I wanted Auburn to "win" and Alabama to "lose". Recognizing that this is reckless and certainly not a behavior I wish to pass on to my daughter, I've shifted gears and given a lot of my time over to pouring through articles related to this election, and not just those related to one candidate, but to everyone. I've been reading newspapers, CNN, FOX news, MSNBC, REUTERS, The New York Times, and as much information as I can find for both candidates (and their running mates). I listen to the radio and I've been sitting on my couch after putting Clare to bed for the last two weeks watching both the Democratic National Convention and the Republican National Convention. All the while, making notes and deciding what I like and don't like about everyone involved.
I watched both presidential candidates speak passionately about their vision. I was uplifted by both of their acceptance speeches and I am certainly looking forward to the next couple of months.
I do not feel like I can make an informed decision by not doing my homework, so I study. I study so that there is no doubt in me when I cast my ballot. I study so that I can have intelligent and calm conversations with people about issues rather than dwell on inflammatory topics that seem to make any conversation about politics backslide and really have no end. I study the party policies, I study the words of the candidates, I study the past as best as I can, and I study the vision of the future...the nuances of what they mean when they say "I will do". I study the "truths" that both parties laud, I study the "lies" that they tell too (and both sides have been stretching a little so far). I absolutely despise the fear mongering that each side uses to mobilize their base. I tend to believe we as a people are smarter than this and as time passes I believe that more and more. I believe people want to check the facts now. I believe that people want to like or dislike someone based on truths, not half truths or mostly truths, but full truths. So, I study and I study and I study. Not with the ultimate goal of who will win this election only, but with the goal of understanding this process better and myself in this process. Both parties have some really great ideas. What sucks is that they cannot be combined. It's as if once one parties lights on something, the other one immediately has to disagree. It's such an interesting and tragic part of this formula. We talk about bipartisanship, but I think we're just outgrowing a two party system. There need to be more options because the two party system just promotes these cavernous disparities. It's the old "your either with us or you're against us" mentality. I suppose in my heart, I'm the true definition of an independent in that I pick and chose from both sides. I do not want to throw the baby out with the bath water by devaluing an entire subset of the American people and saying that your way is wrong...period, end of discussion.
In conclusion to this lengthy blog, I've determined that like it or not, both men love this country. Like it or not, both have a vision for the future with quite a few similarities about what needs to happen, but gaping disparities on how they will do it. Both men are making history with their campaigns (and this cannot be a bad thing no matter how much you dislike someone). Both men recognize that something in the system is broken, and both want to fix it (just in different ways). Both men are at least attempting to bring a positive side to politics even though thus far it's been crude and imperfect at best coming out of both campaigns. I regret that it's still a conversation had between two men, but I'm so proud that minorities and women have been such a HUGE part of the campaign up to this point. Ultimately, no matter what is right or wrong with this country, no matter what is right or wrong with this process, it's still the best process in the world and it's still amazing to have a voice and to be heard.
I watched both presidential candidates speak passionately about their vision. I was uplifted by both of their acceptance speeches and I am certainly looking forward to the next couple of months.
I do not feel like I can make an informed decision by not doing my homework, so I study. I study so that there is no doubt in me when I cast my ballot. I study so that I can have intelligent and calm conversations with people about issues rather than dwell on inflammatory topics that seem to make any conversation about politics backslide and really have no end. I study the party policies, I study the words of the candidates, I study the past as best as I can, and I study the vision of the future...the nuances of what they mean when they say "I will do
In conclusion to this lengthy blog, I've determined that like it or not, both men love this country. Like it or not, both have a vision for the future with quite a few similarities about what needs to happen, but gaping disparities on how they will do it. Both men are making history with their campaigns (and this cannot be a bad thing no matter how much you dislike someone). Both men recognize that something in the system is broken, and both want to fix it (just in different ways). Both men are at least attempting to bring a positive side to politics even though thus far it's been crude and imperfect at best coming out of both campaigns. I regret that it's still a conversation had between two men, but I'm so proud that minorities and women have been such a HUGE part of the campaign up to this point. Ultimately, no matter what is right or wrong with this country, no matter what is right or wrong with this process, it's still the best process in the world and it's still amazing to have a voice and to be heard.
Just Life
Well, it's the start of Wednesday night dinners at church again and as Mason and I were laughing our way in the doors joking that they would probably serve catfish and beans since it was the first time we've been in six month (I despise catfish and also beans - separately or together), of course, what did the serve? That's right, catfish and beans and a side of corn with giant, gross green beans in it to go with the other beans.
You have got to be kidding with me.... but no.... it was real.
I just started laughing. Mason's convinced that if I truly want to go out into the world and work with poor communities either as part of a mission or as part of the Peace Corps, then I'd better learn to like beans. We're pretty sure that God has a fabulous sense of humor as well, since he keeps returning me to the "wall of beans" over and over. We half joked about it to our preacher last night and with a smile he said, "yep, if you go to Costa Rica with us next year, it's rice, beans, and bananas."
I quietly thought in my head, "I can live off of rice and bananas for sure!" Then I realized that I need protein or my hair would fall out. Ah cruel vanity.
Anyway, we left and went out to eat Chinese instead. After that meal, we have decided never to take Clare to another restaurant that is quiet (wow, the angry mob stares from restaurant patrons is really unnecessary. As if we're not already stressed enough, now we have to worry about people sitting next to us, who looked like they are going to have a heart attack willing us to leave - JEEZ). After dinner, Clare and I headed back to church for my newest Bible Study, The Organic God. Looks to be a great study and the class is full of really dynamic women. It was a great time and I'm looking forward to next Wednesday already. The power of fellowship is just so amazing and vital. The power of support of other working mothers who are just as disheveled and pulled in a million directions as I am - well, that is priceless. I went home feeling more like I was apart of something bigger than a failure for not getting all of this right all of the time.
Finished up with church, took Clare home and got her ready for bed. She is quite possibly the most precious little girl on the planet. Her little smile makes my heart leap. I miss her when she's not right there with me...poor Mommy, she's growing up far too fast already. Two years old is just around the corner.
You have got to be kidding with me.... but no.... it was real.
I just started laughing. Mason's convinced that if I truly want to go out into the world and work with poor communities either as part of a mission or as part of the Peace Corps, then I'd better learn to like beans. We're pretty sure that God has a fabulous sense of humor as well, since he keeps returning me to the "wall of beans" over and over. We half joked about it to our preacher last night and with a smile he said, "yep, if you go to Costa Rica with us next year, it's rice, beans, and bananas."
I quietly thought in my head, "I can live off of rice and bananas for sure!" Then I realized that I need protein or my hair would fall out. Ah cruel vanity.
Anyway, we left and went out to eat Chinese instead. After that meal, we have decided never to take Clare to another restaurant that is quiet (wow, the angry mob stares from restaurant patrons is really unnecessary. As if we're not already stressed enough, now we have to worry about people sitting next to us, who looked like they are going to have a heart attack willing us to leave - JEEZ). After dinner, Clare and I headed back to church for my newest Bible Study, The Organic God. Looks to be a great study and the class is full of really dynamic women. It was a great time and I'm looking forward to next Wednesday already. The power of fellowship is just so amazing and vital. The power of support of other working mothers who are just as disheveled and pulled in a million directions as I am - well, that is priceless. I went home feeling more like I was apart of something bigger than a failure for not getting all of this right all of the time.
Finished up with church, took Clare home and got her ready for bed. She is quite possibly the most precious little girl on the planet. Her little smile makes my heart leap. I miss her when she's not right there with me...poor Mommy, she's growing up far too fast already. Two years old is just around the corner.
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