10 things you might not know about me (or want to know either)

If you're not laughing by the time you're finished with this, go smack yourself because you need to lighten up. Oh, and these are all real.

1. I am not a morning person. In fact, I'm not a night person either. I'm kind of a broad daylight person. If it gets dark, I'm ready to go to bed. In fact, I was asleep by 8:20 last night and was giddy about it.

2. I am mean as a bear if you wake me up unexpectedly within the first two hours of my going to sleep. Also, I get "googlie eyes" if I wake up during this time, oh, and I don't always wake up. I'll carry on a really real conversation with googlie eye and not know it. Freaky I know. It creeps Mason out - really it does.

3. I quietly obsess about shoes and truly delight when I can buy a new pair for any reason, but I never buy the pairs that I actually want because I try to be more practical. If I had a lot of money I would own a small country's worth of shoes. Thank goodness I don't have a lot of money.

4. I sneak to watch the Girls Next Door (yes, the Heff, Holly, Bridget, and Kendra Show). I usually do it on Sunday nights when the band is at the house and upstairs, and I have put Clare down to sleep. If I hear anyone coming down the stairs, I turn it to another channel.

5. I don't care that you just gasped that I sneak the Girls Next Door.

6. I write notes to myself on the back of my hand because I refuse to get any version of PDA or phone that will function as a phone and PDA. Don't want to be too connected. The back of the hand works better than the palm, but it is more conspicuous. I do this because the palm is more likely to transfer to my face. Yes, I know what you're thinking.

7. I await the mail truck like it's the second coming. I don't know why. Mason busted me on Tuesday about this. I thought I was hiding it.

8. I hate boogers. Hate hate hate them. I keep Kleenex with me at all times. They literally feel like rocks in your nose.

9. I can stare so hard at something that I actually can't hear what people around me are saying. Sometimes I have to ask people to repeat themselves because this happens. I believe this is referred to as day dreaming, it's much like my googlie eye dream talking, but it's while I'm awake and really it's the opposite.

10. I want to learn Spanish, but I'm too lazy. I even bought the Rosetta Stone and threw the hundreds of dollars away, but would rather be sleeping.

She who laughs at herself never runs out of things to laugh at

Wow. I just spent the last few days holed up in my house with a two and a half year old vomiting and, well... it was coming out the other end too. Clare was so generous that she thought to give me her gift of disease as well.

I do not have the words to describe what a good old stomach virus will do to a family. I won't share much beyond the basics. It was bad, very very bad. The smell of the past few days won't leave my nostrils. I, once again, thought I was dying (won't I be disappointed when I find that dying doesn't hurt as much as three days of yacking?) We're both crazy with cabin fever. Husband is ready to throw us both away. The child is now well. I am now well. I am still married (it's a miracle. I am an ungrateful, resentful sick person)

Holy Moses. I can take most anything, but these stomach viruses that she's bringing home are killing me (allow me my mellow drama, please. I mean I laid on the couch for so long that my arse literally hurt from laying on the couch so long, oh, and so help me if I have to watch one more cartoon or cartoon movie I will turn inside out - spontaneously).

The best part of all of this? You know there is always a best part. Clare looks at me last night, when she's bouncing up and down on my lifeless body in flames from fever, and smiles. When I tell her I love her, her nose crinkles up and she says to me, "Mommy breath stinks." Then she shakes her head up and down as if agreeing with herself. She and I had a huge laugh about that.

P.S. I have revisited this post a day later and that little girl agreeing with herself about my bad breath was absolutely priceless. I wish I could video that moment. I hope my mind lets me keep this one as I grow older.

A sharp tongue can cut your own throat.

Our cable internet has been out for about four days now. Nice huh? Mason finally had time to call them yesterday and after two separate phone calls with the same result and different explanations, I decided to step in. You know, with all my computer expertise and what not... Mason got two people reading from a book yesterday. Today, I did not. However, I had the attitude, and the phone call was a bust from the start. It was so bad, that I even realized at one point the absurdity of us both. At one point the guy says that he has over 25 years of experience doing this, I should have hung up.

Actual conversation blurb following this statement
"Really?" I said "well, good for you. I've been developing software for 10 years and when I find out that my husband has been told by your people that the antivirus software update is what caused the problem when there is no established connection, I know it's BS."

You know what sucks worse than arguing with a stranger? No? It's when he tells me to do something that I've already done fifteen times with my computer and my work laptop (which consequently isn't working either). I tell him as much and he replies "Well, I guess you're going to do it again." No you di-in't

In a spiteful rage, I unplug the modem, literally count out ten seconds OUTLOUD since he told me to do exactly what he says, and then plug it back in. Never mind that I unplugged the damn thing entirely the night before and then we plugged it back in this morning and it still didn't work. Never mind that, but fine, I'll humor you and your 25 years of experience. He instructs me to try it again. I snuff - noticeably.

This time it works.

silence. OMG, do I lie?

"Did it work?", he asks in a sarcastic tone

silence. What do I do, I've made a complete ass out of myself. Lie, Lael, Lie!!!

"Yes, it works."

I am defeated. Why didn't you lie?? What is wrong with you??

He says to me, "interesting, I didn't do anything. The connection works, it's your computer like we've been saying. Not our problem." I know he reset the modem. I know he did. I know it, I know it, I know it.

The call ended.

I feel like a trapped animal with no choice but to live with the insult of our service provider.

Work on Improving your exercise routine

Oh yeah, this was my real fortune out of my Chinese food take out fortune cookie last night.

Who approved this to go into their fortune cookies?

Thanks oh great god of the fortune cookie. I've just inhaled four pounds of Mushu Chicken and a half dozen fried pot stickers. Maybe they should write this on their chinese take out boxes instead of putting it in the COOKIE. Jeez.

Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded

We got Clare a kitten for her 2nd birthday in October. How sweet! you think. You know what I think? What the (insert explicative of choice) was I thinking?

We took in the most precious little creature, who p.s. was supposed to be a girl. Today there is a monster roaming through the house terrorizing anything that is moving (or not). Oh, and he's not a she after all. It was a vile way we found out, but we had to get rid of the toy that we found him doing it with. Why is there no auto clean feature for my mind, I ask you? Why? Why?

Anyway, I have given the cat thing a try now four times (please don't ask me why I'm on cat number four in twice as many years). They're all mean little biting things with an attitude that absolute incenses me...incenses me people!!! I mean seriously, you do not get to scratch and bite me if I feed you and clean up your poop. Those are the freaking rules!!!!

Derive from this statement what you will, but I am not a cat person. I'm sure this statement carries some generic signature about my personality, but I won't judge you if you don't judge me.

Today you will have many reasons to smile

I'm so excited today. So so excited and happy for so many reasons, but here are just a few.

First, we're swearing in Barak Obama today. This makes me happy. I was talking to Mason yesterday about this and I wondered aloud if he felt the weight of the enormous expectations we have for him, and the world really. I wondered how he could even sleep knowing all of the work he has ahead of him. I wondered a lot of things, but now, I'm just excited. I believe he's going to do well. I only ask that he genuinely believe his rhetoric and strive for the change he sold me on and foster the atmosphere of hope that I believe he can. Anyway, I'm giddy. Wish I was there.

Second, Clare let me put pigtails in her hair today. The child is precious, and I'm not kidding, precious with pigtails; however, they are her rare gift to me. She doesn't like them, but she loves the way I pet her when she wears them. Today she got additional petting from Daddy and her teachers so who knows, maybe she'll let me put them up more often. With or without the things her little face makes my heart light up. She's amazing, absolutely a joy.

Third, I was off yesterday so today is the start of a short week. Plus, I was off yesterday so Clare and I went to The Original Pancake house for breakfast together, then off to the McWane center. It was just our time together. Stolen moments are the best!

Lastly, I get to have lunch with Mason today. We haven't been to lunch on a week day since September. His job has been wildly busy (good for us in some ways, not so much fun in others).

So, it's a fun day for me!! I hope if you read this that you find your day to be as fun and exciting too!

Better Ingredients, Better Pizza

...sorry arse website

Last Friday, me beloved husband and I decide to order pizza for dinner. Within the body of that phone conversation, he says to me, "you know, you can order it online and go and pick it up."

"Wow, I think I'll do that," I say. I mean seriously, I don't have to pick up my phone and dial numbers to speak with someone...fantastic!! Far too much trouble to do that. Stupid people who still use the phone, what a bunch of....

Twenty minutes later, I've had to sign up on the freakin website fourteen times, and still cannot place my order for whatever reason. Finally, I give up and just click the store locator option so I can call store where I'm trying to place the order that I can't make online. Another fifteen minutes later, I'm still looking for the phone number to the store that is seconds down the road, but I can clearly see the address. Great feature Papa John's.

It's getting late and I'm still at work trying to order a pizza that I could have made myself by now and probably still saved myself some time. The sun is going down and now I'm about fifteen minutes late to pick Clare up. In addition to my pizza ordering frustration, now I'm thinking, Wow, I'm an awesome, mom. I've sold my daughter down the river for some cheese, ham, bacon and mushrooms. I finally find the number and call. It turns out the pizza is $5 less on the phone and it took about 13seconds to place my order. I could literally feel Charles Schultz's squiggly line fizzle above my head. All of this to say that I'm now getting spammed a million times a day at my work email from a website that I would like to kick. I cannot remove myself from the list no matter what I do. Papa John's is totally on my Delta list right now. But the pizza was really great. Stupid great pizza.

Oh, but I did find a fabulous new blog. I've expanded my blog stalking. I'm no longer local. Also, I wasn't aware that this week was supposed to be the week I delurked. Oh well, I have a whole year to recommit myself to coming out of the blog closet.

The Three Questions

I took Clare to the book store on Saturday afternoon. As usual we had an amazing time. She was as charming and charasmatic as ever with everyone eating right out of the palm of her uncommitted hand.

Found a great book and thought to share.

Rain, Rain Go Away...

You would think with the years of drought that preceded us (fearful drought) that I would be nothing but thankful for rain and lots of it. But I'm tired of the dreary days. It's been like this for at least a month. I've forgotten that to get as much as we need means many rainy, winter days. I've forgotten the fear of running out of water only one summer back. I've forgotten to be happy about any of it really. I think the cloud cover is depressing. On Thursday, when it was absolutely beautiful outside, we all went for a run. I felt alive again. I felt like I could have run all afternoon just to be in the sunshine that felt warm on my face. Yesterday was more of that wonderful, beautiful day. I wanted today to be like that, too. But, we awoke to more rain and I just looked out the window and the puddles that won't dry are being sprinkled with new drops even as I type.

Things were going along too smoothly. That's the only reason I can come up with that I called Graham Hudson the Tuesday before Christmas. It was an innocent phone call. Just a minute or two to answer a question. Just something I saw on the news and wanted confirmation. Who is Graham Hudson you ask? Our most amazing Mortgage Broker. He's also really really tall. I mean, I'm short, so a lot of people I know are tall, but he's Tall. Anyway, in the body of that phone conversation I heard it, those magic words, "35 year low on mortgage rates". This was followed by something that probably squeeked out of my throat and then the words "locked in". We were in. Now to tell Mason our good news.

It went well. He was just as excited. We mapped out our course of action (refinancing means reappraisal means all those items on the everlasting ToDo list must now be done).

The sound of drills and power tools of all sorts can now be heard into the dark hours of the night after Mason's worked all day. The sound of garbage bags being stuffed with things that just need to be given to people who need them can be heard in tandem. It's like spring cleaning on steroids. Mason installed a new attic space with the aluminum pull down staircase (he's my hero - a handy husband is a sexy thing). Everything went up there. Now we're laying tile, painting, installing things that I don't quite understand and basically finalizing the upstairs area so that our guests can sleep in a bedroom now. It should have been done before now, but we didn't have a good reason to use our precious free time not at work, working.

We are in a full on push to get our house ready for appraisal for refinancing (please pray for us). Of course, we found out yesterday that the carpet for the upstairs bedroom and hall won't be able to be installed for another couple of weeks (crap, isn't Lowe's supposed to be the place where dreams do come true? In that case, I'm going to need it installed, ummm...yesterday). I'm trying not to hold my breath or become noticably rattled. Worst case, we finish the upstairs with no payoff except the mental task is complete. Best case, we lower our interest rate and insert a bit more financial margin so that we can breath easier when we experience a time of drought. Either way, I'll take pictures!

Here's to the New Year

I blog a lot about ordinary life. I'm not an author. I just like to journal more than anything. I like to look back at a day and be able to experience the moment through the words that I've written. I like to see where my mind was on that day.

Yesterday was a really unique day. It was, afterall, a brand new year. I was going to write about everything that happened, but today the details aren't really that important to me. I lived yesterday, went to bed feeling kind of overwhelmed, soaked in my thoughts, and woke up to realize that yesterday was like some weird, tiny microcosm of my whole life.

In what turned out to be one day full of unexpected surprises (very unexpected surprises), I had moments of peace, happiness, worry, friendship, support, laughter, crying, cursing, introspection, prayer (not enough as always), thinking, cleaning, unintentional rearrangment of living quarters, phone calls, awareness, confusion, respect, disrespect, feeling respected, feeling disrespected, anticipattion, dread, eating new food, cooking new food, talking (I mean a lot), and most importantly time with those I love.

I literally felt an entire spectrum of life yesterday. It's odd. If this is an omen for the coming year, I assume it means that I should get comfortable it's going to be one heck of a ride.

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Philippians 4:6 (NLT)